So there has been a lot of static about cheaters, the use of cell phones ("Oh, I was just texting my mom" or "Oh my boyfriend just called to say hi!") Yeah, well, I call BS on all of those. Perhaps legit. Perhaps not. In either case, whether cheating like the low-down dirty piece of ham fist you are, or perhaps just checking in with long-lost friends at a somewhat inopportune time, here is my official stance: YOU SUCK! No, seriously though. You really do. Cheating on a pub quiz? How could you? My mom is gonna' bring the beat down on your ass! So here is my summary of random thoughts on the topic in stunning numerical order (Please hold your applause. You're sitting at a computer, and that's just weird to be clapping at the screen.):

1. Use a cell phone during the "question" phase, I warn you. Answer phase or during a break, understandable. You can wait 5 minutes to txt "No, ur my schmoopsies" to your significant other.
2. Do it again, I start deducting points. I've done it before, and by jove, I'll do it again. Yeah, "by jove." I said it.
3. I could be more diligent about paying attention to "phonies." And so I shall. This doesn't mean I want a bucket of 3rd-grade tattletales, Leper Colony.
4. The amount of time it takes to look up ONE answer is usually enough time to ruin at least two others. However, that still doesn't make it tolerable.
5. I try to motor through the quiz quickly so there isn't the opportunity to find the right answer on the PortaInterwebs™ anyways. Perchance I shall go a little quicker in October. We'll see if the "slow" people in the crowd can keep up. If you can't, odds are you're cheating. Or actually "slow" in the clinical sense. Sorry about that.

I'd love to know your thoughts on this. After all, it's your quiz! Whaddya' think?