Holy jumpin’ juniper berries! It’s like Santa Claus forgot what a tool I’ve been this past year to all you quizzers, and rewarded me handsomely as his nice plump ass skirted down my chimney! Ladies and gentlemen, I believe I hit the mother lode. Read on for the wondrous details of how I am significantly better than anyone you know.

Okay, well, not really. But holy hell what a busy and great holidaze season it was! From bowling with a gaggle of 14 people ranging in age from 1 to 50 (sorry Bradleys!), to visiting the frozen Siberian Tigers (who aren’t actually from Siberia) at the zoo. It was a great past month. With the exception of the December 3rd Pub Quiz. You guys and gals kinda dorked that one up. Some friends came into town from Washington DC and from the UK. Had plenty of fun, way too much drink, and boatloads of relatively legal fun! Great holiday parties also. And of course, the entire month is kind of a blur. I can’t quite remember the order of events, but I mostly remember the events themselves.

Battle of the Bands! Yeah, that’s right quizzers, we played! And thanks to all of you and your vindictive tendencies, I wore the “I’m with stupid” shirt and a dope-wicked wig. And we won! Five great ministers of music laid down the smack on the competition. We covered some Stones, AC/DC, Suede, Archers of Loaf and a few others of note, and came out the Bantamweight Rock Star Battle of the Bands Champions of the World of Cleveland Extreme Competition Winners of Champions 2008!!!! How exciting!

Also had a couple parties at the families houses this month. My brother (a.k.a. Beard Mike) had a awesome Christmas Eve party. Complete with petting zoo, Lego Disasters, and the Horror Singing Bear. Plenty of great food including miked’s Famous Secret Spinach Bawlz and some homemade chili! My parents threw their annual Christmas Day bash! Great food there as well. Some smoked salmon, pork tenderloins, and desserts as far as the eye could see past the belly! Their party went over swimmingly with the customary competitions and various DVDs from the past year. And yes, some baby photos of miked before the nuclear explosion at the chemical plant turned me into the awesome phreak of AWESOME that you now know as “miked”. My lovely lady love had a Christmas Night Party Turbo 3000™ Party. Smoked turkey, roughly 300lbs of Honey Baked Hammy Goodness, and gobs of something called “beer”. Great night there!

And then there’s Santa Claus. Let’s just say, if he WEREN’T real, how on Earth could you possibly explain me getting gifts for doing literally nothing? NOTHING! So yeah, I hit the mother lode. Tons of great useful items! Some sweet new clothing and shoes (all designer, of course.) And no, you jerks, even if I DID get a new Pub Quiz shirt, I still wouldn’t wear it! Some great books and games with killer info I can wield against you in the very-near future pub quizzes! Some gift cards to Dell, a GPS for the Off-Roldsmobile, a 9-pound beef stick and a gaggle of kick-ass camping gear that none of you are allowed to borrow since Team 11 seems to think that it’s perfectly okay to light my tent on fire while I’m sleeping in it and they are all wide awake because none of them have gotten any in a while.

I digress….

New years eve party! That was a blast! About 20 of my closest and dearest friends came over. And about 67 of my mortal enemies. Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest junked up the countdown to 2009, but we celebrated anyways! The snowpile full of beers and wine and keg is slowly dwindling (even to this day). And my favorite part, of course, was that I finally WASN’T the one running out of the bathroom at 12:00:01am yelling, “Did I miss it, did I miss it??!?!” Those honors go to the one and only Philly-Billy who managed to spend those final few moments of 2008 in the bathroom, alone, with a glass of champagne. Ah the memories.

So in a nutshell quizzers, I sincerely hope each and every one of you had a great December. I, personally, am truly grateful for all that I have. All my friends and family. All those I hold so dear to my heart. It’s nice seeing that through the past 12-months of day-to-day living life, so many people have helped each of us along the sometimes bumpy, but always entertaining, path that makes up our calendar. My new year’s resolution is to be more cognizant of those around me, cherish the things I have in this world, and to torture the ever-loving crap outta’ you turds at the pub quiz! So stuff it, you pricks!

GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!!!

Amen.

Comments

Search

uncle ken  - light my fire   |68.110.187.xxx |2009-01-04 10:04:42 holy crap. i can't believe i managed to read the whole thing. guess who missed the class on editing in the creative writing course he meant to take? uncle ken p.s. beard mike?

miked  - doors references are witty   |SAdministrator |2009-01-04 11:59:25 I'll assume, since I know you far too well, that you are referring to some blatant flaw in my AWESOME writing styling above. However, perhaps you accidentally overlooked the truly AWESOMENESS of those words and gerunds and stuff. And yes, his nickname is apparently "beard mike". Not "bearded mike" or "he with hairy chin mike". I can only assume you were simply proud of the fact that you managed to stay focused for more than 3 minutes to actually read the article. Well.....um......may the Gods of Team 11 smite unto thee a loss this coming Wednesday.

uncle ken  - love street   |68.110.187.xxx |2009-01-05 06:07:22 considering how much you yammered on, i'm surprised (well, not really) you didn't mention that incident in which you pranced around your front yard hairy nippledly, dressed only in a festive red hat and matching nappy. the tinkling your neighbors heard was not from silver bells. the whole family is glad we didn't have to read about that in the police blotter section of the westlife. santa does indeed have a special place in his heart for ones like you. i, on the other hand, now have a good supply of coal to get me through the long winter.

karl  - losers   |206.183.28.xxx |2009-01-07 09:54:18 All that matters is that my team will win, and we'll beat EVERYONE at the quiz. E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E!! Enjoy the loss, losers! p.s. Mike D, you suck!

Only registered users can write comments!

Think before you post. Teh interwebs is so unforgivable.

3.26 Copyright (C) 2008 ZOMG!Puppies. All rights reserved."