It's time for more viewer mail. "Mark Roberts" of Rocky River, OH writes: "Yo miked! Sup? Hey, you seem all smart and stuff. I have a question. It's a good one. You should put it on your webs site. It's that good. Here it is...What I'm sposed to do with snows? My whole yard is covered and everything else too. So help me out!" Wow, Mark. What a fantastically grammatically inaccurate question! But nonetheless, I shall answer it. Read on to find out in all my picturey, sketching glory!

I know you're wondering why there are about 57-feet of snow outside your front door, and on the passenger seat of your car. But alas, mere mortal, it's because you pee'd in the neighbor's yard last night. And God hates you. Yes, YOU, Mark Roberts of Rocky River, Ohio. So what on earth can you possibly do with this seemingly unlimited supply of snow located just moments away from your trusty 14” computer monitor? Well, I figure we can break this down into three categories:

1. Thank God This Didn’t Happen To Me (Mark) Because I'm a Whiney Baby

Terry and Sam soon realized they shouldn't have slept in their car for three months without leaving. Thank God Terry brought the dirt rake. Now to find a bathroom. FAST! Oh, and the keen eye will notice that they simply piled the snow even higher on top of the car to the left. What a bunch of asshats!

If only the Stevenson's had opened their door when that stranger was knocking in the middle of the night. Then they could have simply let the snow and ice in. But noooooooo......Ted just HAD to watch the rest of The Colbert Report, and HAD to have his handful of Oreos. Ugh....so STUPID! Sorry Ted is such a lazy ass, Stacy.

Chad knew the minute he walked outside, that perhaps his canister of Frozen Icy Extreme 2000 Red Bull Energy Squirting Drink xTreme 4000™ maybe shouldn't have been left out in his totally AWESOME Honda overnight. Well don't feel bad, Chad. Maybe Madison or Kipp will come pick you up to go visit Morgan and Carter? Just a thought. Man, your name sucks.

"HONEY!! Did you leave your window open?" - "Um.....No. I don't think so. Why?" - "Oh, no reason, have a look outside, will ya?" - "What for? Uh....yeah, it was like that when I got home. I think the heater's broken or something. Maybe the Check Engine light was on? I can't remember." - "Okay honey. I'm clearly insane then. Never mind." <quiet sound of weeping in the distance> <Bethany III exits stage right> [end scene]

Damnit. That UPS guy NEVER shows up on time. Oh...my bad. I guess he already stopped by. How friggin lucky for me! And I got a killer deal on the Wii Snow from amazon.com! It was only $4,999.99 and I qualified for SuperSaver Shipping! JACKPOT!!!

2. What Should I Build?

First, collect all your necessary snow and ice pieces. Don't worry how anything looks just yet.

Then, perhaps craft something dainty and heart-warming to cheer up those doldrum-riddled passers-by? Maybe a note of good cheer, or a message of hope and understanding in these tough economic times? Also, don't forget that young impressionable children will likely see your creation. So make certain you exercise good taste and proper judgement!

"Hey there Fluffles the Dog®! How's everything in the snow? Oh, what? You weren't in the snow? Those are just your socks? Yeah....um.....LIAR! LIAR DOG!!! I know you were in the snow! Don't LIE to ME!!!" Yes indeed! You too, could play out that fascinating scene depicted above! Simply grab a dog (any type will do, although daschund's are the least-favorable as they are not REAL dogs. Simply God's way of cleansing all the bad DNA from REAL dogs), and dunk him or her into the local snow bank! And WOOT! You have yourself your very own Long John Snowy Paws!

Perhaps a self-expression sculpture is the way to go. Scientists have insisted for over a year now that it is, in fact, healthy to vent your feelings. If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. Or, maybe don't be so lazy, and get your fat ass outside to make something out of snow. Or maybe just to make something of yourself. Perhaps a career that doesn't embarass everyone at family holidays? Or maybe a haircut? For God's sake, take some pride in yourself you slob!

3. What’s miked Doing With His Snow?

What a great question me! So yeah, I'm constantly try to find my friggin' mailbox. Heaven forbid we make it through a week without a couple trillion gallons of snow junking up my driveway and mail delivery recepticle. Argh. Cleveland no longer rocks. It officially DOES NOT ROCK! You were wrong late-nineties-band Presidents of the United States of America! You were wrong Drew-Carey-Show-Theme-Song! YOU WERE ALL WRONG!!!

Anywho...that's my monthly snowy wrap-up. I hope you didn't enjoy it. And, more importantly, I hope you're wondering where the last half-hour of your life went, and if you'll ever get it back. Hmm.....